Today I drove past one of the many churches nearby that likes to put quotes from God on their marquee. This one advised:
If you must curse, do it in your own name.
–God
This annoys me.
I’m not trying to open up a can of worms here or whatever, but on whose authority do they pretend to know what God would say, or how he would say it? I don’t recall from my Sunday school classes having ever read the passage in the Bible where God said, “If you must curse, do it in your own name.” Yes, there is a commandment with guidance on taking God’s name in vain… but I don’t really remember God uttering pithy little catchphrases that could easily be read and understood whilst going 70 mph down the highway.
(I am choosing to ignore the fact that the Bible was written by mortals, too, because I’m quite sure the people who wrote the marquee would be horrified at the mere suggestion the Holy Bible isn’t divine in its own right.)
And while I do occasionally use other (non-Liz) versions of LizDammit, I also commonly utter to myself, “Dammit, Liz!” or, when I’m REALLY pissed off or aggravated, “Dammit, Elizabeth!” Because, like my mother, I get really formal in my excessive aggravation.
But back to my point. Here in Texas, where churches often believe their job is to simplify religion to bulletpoints that can be projected onto a screen while a band entertains the crowd, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by billboard-sized nuggets substituting as religious guidance. But seriously, can’t they at least come up with something that sounds like the God of the Bible? And not like Johnnie Cochran (“If it doesn’t fit, acquit!”) was tasked to represent God?