I censor myself rather often here, largely because I’m not always sure of (or, in some cases, particularly excited about) my audience. My post last Thursday inspired an unfortunate comment (which I deleted, ’cause I censor those, too — such a bad First Amendment defender I am in this domain! for shame, Liz!), and it really made me wonder what sorts of random people happen by my blog.
It’s a germane question, because I occasionally wander by strangers’ blogs myself (as well as a host of near-strangers’ blogs), and I’m not always exactly excited about what I read out there in the blogosphere, either.
Which is why I’m going to try to say a lot without saying much here… because I like to tread lightly.
But today, I had a moment of rare clarity, even for me — and this, despite the fact that I’m about 65% sure I’m coming down with a sinus infection, and hence have spent the day suffering either splitting sinus-headache pressure or medicince-head foggyness. It would be wrong to imply that everything in my life is picture-perfect at present (because it’s definitely not), but in this moment of clarity, I just realized how utterly *happy* I am right now. Over the weekend, I tried on jeans another size smaller (and, at that, another size smaller since Christmas!!), and was elated — to the point of literally doing a happy dance right there in the store! — to find they fit me well! I feel so incredibly good physically right now (well, except for the whole pending-sinus-infection business, of course). I’ve been working really hard to take care of myself, in all respects, and in the process have (not for the first time) discovered I’m a much stronger person than I typically think I am. Being around my parents, longtime friends, and (briefly) my brother and his girlfriend this weekend brought me the sort of joy that only being around people who know me well and love me deeply can bring.
And so, yes, I’m really happy. Everything’s not perfect, but many things are very good, and I can’t help but feel optimistic about the things that still need some work.