It’s actually pretty bizarre that the Beach Boys song, “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” is stuck in my head tonight. I blame the fact that “50 First Dates” was set on (and probably filmed on) Oahu, and so it’s part of the running Hawaii-inspired soundtrack I’ve got going on. The other song is the Ohana version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” for the same reason.
Having said that, as invariably happens when I come to Hawaii, my thoughts the last several days have gone something like this: “Wouldn’t it be fabulous if I could come here and stay longer?” Right now, I’m trying to figure out how I could afford to take a month or more off next summer and come here to do research. Answer: I couldn’t. But wouldn’t it be nice if I could? Answer: yes.
Were it not for, like, three people who mean the world to me and not for my students, I’d really have very little desire to go back to Nashville. It’s not that I hate my life in Nashville, to be sure; I have my puppy dog (despite his neurotic ways) and my new apartment and my classes to make life interesting, but at the end of the day, I’m more relaxed and at peace right now than I’ve been a good long while. Having the quiet time, the peace, the ability to take several steps back and evaluate so much of what’s happened in the last many months … it has been an invaluable gift. There’s a lot I still don’t understand, but I’ve made great strides. I have clarity. I have perspective. I know what I have to do, even if I don’t fully understand how I got here. (The latter will come, eventually.) And even if I don’t know how I’m going to do it. (Prediction: probably very, very, very not well.)
Even as I lament some of the hard choices and harder work that must be faced in the next few weeks, I know I’m so lucky to have the friends I do to help support me. In particular, my best friend has been my rock for so long that I cannot begin to imagine how I’ll ever be able to repay the favor. He has listened even when I knew he wanted to go to sleep, put up with a whole lot of gloating from me from paradise this week, watched me fuck up time and time again, and borne it all with the kind of understanding, patience, and sympathy few can muster. He deserves a medal. And even though I fear some of his own neuroses are rubbing off on me {giggle}, I still feel immeasurably grateful to have him in my life. I just wish he could’ve come with me to Hawaii this week so I could have given him the garlic shrimp, Jamba Juice, Cholo’s, gorgeous weather, fantastic views, and relaxation (and more!!!) that he so richly deserves. Next time, I will.