School started, and I haven’t really come up for air since.
For as long as I’ve been functioning in the adult world, I’ve been something of a Super Liz. Nobody knows how (including me!), but while in college, I managed to take an average of 17 credits a semester, work 25-30 hours a week, run an active student organization (and sit on the board as an ex officio member of a DC-area organization), commute 45 minutes each way daily, live with my boyfriend at the time, cook, do laundry (yay, laundry!!!), get all my work/homework done, watch a fair amount of TV, and STILL get 8 hours of sleep on a nearly nightly basis.
Super Liz, in other words.
I’ve lived this way my whole life. I stay busy, by choice, and this makes me happy. Somehow, in a manner that can only be described as a mystery, I manage to get everything done, sleep 8 hours a night, and remain upbeat and happy.
Except, finally, Super Liz has found her limit. And admitting that? Trying to figure out how to find the time for everything I need to do AND everything I want to do? It’s been incredibly hard. I’m still working on it. Getting a full night’s sleep for a sustained period of time would help immensely. I’ve promised the doctor I’ll be back in the pool at least three times this week (oh, lap swimming, how I’ve missed you so!), and that’ll help, too.
I don’t think anyone has fully understood just how hard the last, oh, three? four? weeks have been for me. I do a really (really) good job at hiding these things from others, and admitting I have limits feels like a personal defeat. Asking for help runs counter to every fiber of my being. But maybe this is a good thing, because it’s forcing me to ask for help and (heaven forbid!) to set limits on what I’m willing to take on. I’ve ALWAYS had trouble saying no to people — when someone needs me to do something, I’m there, no questions asked. But what all of this has helped me to see, in a very real and very stark fashion, is that if I’m not doing what I need to do, I really cannot take care of anyone else. When my students can see that I’m faltering, it’s time to fix it, and I mean NOW. My students mean the world to me, and I feel like I owe it to them to be the best Liz possible. If it’s not for me that I have had to learn to say no, then it’s for them. I should be enough, but they certainly help. 😉
Anyway. I’m just rambling/venting, but in a place where I feel like I can admit to you all, in a very passive way, that I really have been struggling. People don’t realize how much it means to me when they reach out and say a quick hello or make a snarky/sarcastic comment — but it really does make my day. I have amazing people in my life, and I feel grateful every single day to know you. Thanks, y’all.
Oh, by the way, “The Big Bang Theory” season two came out last week, and season three starts Monday on CBS. This makes me happy.
And geek tv night is Tuesday (to hell with “reading” and “responsibility,” I say!!), and this makes me happy, too. 🙂